farewell mama... we'll miss you..

it upsets me to see her now. lying there all dolled up and artificial through that little glass window. that isn't the grandma i knew. and i wish they hadn't bothered with all that make up. makes me wonder how i would look when it's my turn. and it bothers me that i wasn't there when it happened. i didn't even have a clue.

sometimes it's really hard to fight the darkness. though i really do try. it just creeps up on you when you least expect it. that deep, dark, sinking feeling. and when you want to turn to someone, you find there's actually no one there. i think i'm really my worst enemy in many ways.

back from camp. i really miss my dance friends.